Weekend at Bernie Sanders
Rob Taub
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(an evening of hell with AOC, Gavin Newsom, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie)
After a wonderful summer weekend with my family, I dozed off in an airport waiting area (as CNN played on multiple televisions) and had a nightmare that I was instead a guest at Bernie Sander’s lakefront cabin in North Hero, Vermont (estimated to be worth around $909,000 according to Zillow) with AOC, Elizabeth Warren, Gavin Newsom and of course, Bernie.
Nightmare transcript:
AOC: Rob, can you please do the dishes, we need to discuss harmony, equality and other crucial issues you won’t understand.
Rob Taub: I understand that any chance to leave this room would be a blessing.
Gavin Newsom: No need to leave. One of my constituents sent us two dishwashers. (He points at two 14-year-old migrants in the kitchen)
Elizabeth Warren: Why can’t Bernie help with the dishes? He talks too much, and I don’t have time to advocate abolishing private property and wage labor if he interrupts me!
Bernie Sanders: I have arthritis, hemorrhoids, and bunions. My interns will clean up after they finish washing my cars and scraping the barnacles off my boat. And Karl Marx pronounced it labour.
Rob Taub: My family called it work, but my immigrant Grandparents pronounced it verk.
AOC: Were they migrant socialists!!?
Rob Taub: No, they fled persecution and famine in Russia from the Bolshevik revolution.
Gavin Newsom: I hope they were given free iPhones when they got to America!
Rob Taub: This was 100 years ago. They got processed at Ellis Island before they were allowed legal entry into the country. They worked for pennies a day in sweatshops, but it was a big improvement compared to their lives in Russia. Both sides of my family loved America and built successful businesses.
Elizabeth Warren: They should have protested their working conditions!
Rob Taub: Their lives were much, much better in America. They loved this country. My grandfather arrived here with no money and couldn’t speak English, yet he became a successful pharmacist.
Bernie Sanders: Big Pharma and drugstore chains are evil!
Rob Taub: We had one store. My name isn’t Walgreen.
Gavin Newsom: We give free needles and drugs to addicts in California! And other people too.
Elizabeth Warren: California has lots of free concerts with thousands of people attending.
Rob Taub: Those are homeless encampments.
Bernie Sanders: They are concerts. The people wave glowworms!
Rob Taub: Those are hypodermic needles.
AOC: I travel all over America, fighting Oligarchy, so I’m too busy to visit my district, but people send me videos from my neighborhood every day, and we don’t have many homeless people. (she takes out her phone) Look at these women line dancing on Roosevelt Avenue! I love how they wave and smile at all the men.
Rob Taub: I believe those women are sex workers. Many media outlets have run the same footage of Roosevelt Avenue.
Gavin Newsom: The one in the red dress is cute.
Rob Taub: I should leave. My rental car is due back soon.
Bernie Sanders: Rental car companies exploit the masses. They are run by big corporations with thousands of cars!
Rob Taub: Better than one person with only four cars.
Elizabeth Warren: Who invited this idiot?
AOC: I didn’t know it was a rental car! I gave it to some high school kids for their prom.
Rob Taub: I’ll hitchhike. Like everything else in your world, it’s free.
While the above is fiction, America faces real nightmares from these four politicians, who I consider to be demagogues focused on dividing our country by complaining endlessly, but achieving nothing.
To wit:
- Under Gavin Newsom, California has the highest gas taxes in the nation, the highest state income tax, the highest poverty rate, and record homelessness.
- According to GovTrack.us, Elizabeth Warren introduced zero bills in Congress from 2021 – 2024.
- “It’s more important to be morally right than factually correct.” ~ January 2019 AOC Instagram post
- Bernie Sanders has a notably low rate of his sponsored bills directly becoming law. Over 15 Congressional sessions (House and Senate), only three of the 421 bills he sponsored were enacted, and two of those were to rename Vermont post offices.
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